May I introduce myself? That's me in the picture. I'm Thomas Meleagris Gallopavo Turkey. My friends call me Rambo. You see, a few years back I decided to stop running from the Thanksgiving Terror and go on the offensive. Even though my eyesight and hearing are amazing, I no longer felt like I could rely solely on them to survive the terror.Let's just say hunters and farmers seem to think twice before considering you for their holiday centerpiece when you're armed and fully loaded.
Oh, you sit there reading this, still sated and stuffed from your inhuman feast. You blithely smack your lips, stretch and yawn from gorging yourself with t..tu...turrr... I can't even bring myself to say it! Suffice it to say, you're dripping tryptophan.
And here I am, exhausted by the annual terror that has plagued my friends and me since that GPS-deprived Cris Columbus landed in the Western Hemisphere. Apparently he was as good at biology as he was at exploring. Do I look like a peacock to you? Seriously, I think Cris would have benefited from a trip to LensCrafters.
Alas, I digress. Every year it's the same thing. We're persecuted, tormented and terrorized in the name of Thanksgiving. Are you kidding me? Just because some south of the border cultures consider my fam to be intended for sacrificing, that doesn't mean you posers had to jump on the bandwagon to the tune of 45 million casualties a year.
Oh, you sit there reading this, still sated and stuffed from your inhuman feast. You blithely smack your lips, stretch and yawn from gorging yourself with t..tu...turrr... I can't even bring myself to say it! Suffice it to say, you're dripping tryptophan.
And here I am, exhausted by the annual terror that has plagued my friends and me since that GPS-deprived Cris Columbus landed in the Western Hemisphere. Apparently he was as good at biology as he was at exploring. Do I look like a peacock to you? Seriously, I think Cris would have benefited from a trip to LensCrafters.
Alas, I digress. Every year it's the same thing. We're persecuted, tormented and terrorized in the name of Thanksgiving. Are you kidding me? Just because some south of the border cultures consider my fam to be intended for sacrificing, that doesn't mean you posers had to jump on the bandwagon to the tune of 45 million casualties a year.
My friend, Mahatma Turkey, has adopted an entirely different approach to survival from me. He still has high hopes for you featherless figures of the feast. After seeing that eight hour movie with Ben Kingsley wrapped in a towel and Candice Bergin, he changed his name from Maurice to Mahatma. Then he started carrying those ridiculous signs. (I think that's where Chik-a-filet got the sign carrying cow idea.) Now, in order to keep the peace, we just call him "Gandhi" and keep him supplied with plywood and paint.
Then there's Norma Rae Turkey. It doesn't take much to get her worked up. She's a pretty simple kind of gal, no weaponry or signage for her. Always on her guard, one little snap of a twig and she flies off the handle, literally. Just because we're the "ugly stepsister" to our pheasant cousins doesn't mean we don't have anything going on. Those of us raised in the rough can put the pedal to the metal to the tune of 25 mph running, or look out Southwest Airlines, we're barreling through at a whopping 55 mph!
I heard recently Norma is next in line for a Presidential pardon. Even though her attempts at breaking the sound barrier gained her initial media attention, it's been her animated work in civil liberties that brought her to the President's attention. You can see for yourself just how worked up she gets in defending civil liberties for herself and others in the picture. Frankly, sometimes I worry more about Norma expiring from a heart attack than the executioner's ax.
Each of us, in our own ways, are taking things into our own feathers. Obviously, with over 3500 of those little ticklers each, we are far more formidable than you may think. I renewed my NRA membership last week, and since going online, ordering ammo is easier than ever.
The three of us are thinking about becoming a 501 (c) (3)and getting business cards. We're thinking about calling ourselves PETA2 (Powerful & Enraged Turkeys in Action). Our goal is to take the "turkey" out of Turkey Day. Look for our infomercial coming soon.
I heard recently Norma is next in line for a Presidential pardon. Even though her attempts at breaking the sound barrier gained her initial media attention, it's been her animated work in civil liberties that brought her to the President's attention. You can see for yourself just how worked up she gets in defending civil liberties for herself and others in the picture. Frankly, sometimes I worry more about Norma expiring from a heart attack than the executioner's ax.
Each of us, in our own ways, are taking things into our own feathers. Obviously, with over 3500 of those little ticklers each, we are far more formidable than you may think. I renewed my NRA membership last week, and since going online, ordering ammo is easier than ever.
The three of us are thinking about becoming a 501 (c) (3)and getting business cards. We're thinking about calling ourselves PETA2 (Powerful & Enraged Turkeys in Action). Our goal is to take the "turkey" out of Turkey Day. Look for our infomercial coming soon.
This was just too funny for this warped brain of mind in light of the recent loss of our cat, Magellan. They could be twins, don't you think? http://www.davidsdaughter.co/blog/it-shouldnt-hurt-this-much
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