Now, before you think I may be thinking too highly of myself (as an artist), please let me explain. I think I'm on a journey from convoluted to simple. Perhaps I'm feeling frustrated or confused. I keep asking myself, "What's the point? What's the big idea that I need to get a hold of?" There seems to be an urgency inside of me to be rid of the extraneous. (Good grief, where are all these high-flying words coming from?)
I think it started with Mark, as in the "Gospel of ...". Studying his "just the facts, ma'm" account has made me want to get to the meat of the message. The ground of my spirit was plowed and ready when we went to Denver recently for children's outreach.
After visiting the motel where several homeless families live, I broke down with my friend and sponsor, LuAnn. What did I think I was doing? How could my pitiful efforts of reading and giving books to impoverished kids make a difference in their lives. In short, what's the point?
And I keep asking that question. I want to throw off all the extra fluff in my life and my work and my calling. It's hard, my brain screams. Why do I do what I do? Why do I write what I write? Who am I writing for? You, me, the beautiful little girl in pink (in the sidebar)? What's the point? What is God wanting to say through me?
Have you been there? It's not helplessness or hopelessness. It's longing for purpose and focus. It's a craving to get rid of anything that prevents me from doing my best at what God's called me to do.
Do you ever feel like you're running through fog but not sure what you're running toward? You know it's something wonderful, but you can't quite see it. The weight of the fog is slowing you down. You long to claw it away so you can see clearly.
Dear Reader, I'm so thankful for your presence in the fog. Knowing you're there helps me keep running, keep looking, keep asking "What's the point?" Thank you for sharing the journey with me!